I didn’t know what to say which is why it took me so long to reply back. I kept on reading and reading your letter to me, trying to see if there’s anything underlying your thoughts aside from the surface that you wrote. I found none. Or perhaps, it’s just that I’m not as good as reading you as I was before.
I forgive you. No – forgave you, that’s the correct term. Regardless of what happened between us – you were still someone that I wouldn’t be able to just toss aside. Even in my thoughts. And especially in my heart.
Yes, I would have gone back there had you brought it up. I would have thought of the pros and cons of course but you would have been enough of a reason for me to go back. I don’t care about this so-called dream land now and I didn’t care then. This was just some adventure that I was dared to go to and see if I would come out alive. Which – I think I did quite well since I am still surviving. I never dreamed of staying here for good. This was never part of my plan. I planned to travel here someday just to visit but never to stay. So really, had you ask me even jokingly if I could just go back to where you were – I would have.
Wait, I think there was this one time that you dropped a hint that you wouldn’t want to leave for fear that I might come home and that we wouldn’t meet face-to-face but that’s just about it. No outright saying that – hey, why don’t you just come back here and come see me in person?
Oh well… That time has passed. We’re here now and we are what we are right now. We are what we are because of our decisions, our choices, our mistakes, because of us. Sometimes though when I look back at what we had – I sigh and think that it could have been more. It could have been better than just that. But then again – oh well…
Could we ever go back to how we were? Could you promise me that? Could we ever be something more than what we used to be?
Ruth Medina-Ilasco 