Nowhere To Go · Random Thoughts

It’s all Stress-related

With all the stress I’m having right now, it’s a surprise I’m still standing. 

I’m exhausted. Seriously.

Mentally.

Physically.

Emotionally.

Sometimes, I really just want to take a break from everything.  You know, just lie somewhere and sleep all the problems away.  But that would never accomplish anything.  And knowing how I am, I wouldn’t be able to sit still anyway.  I would always try to find something to do.  Even if sometimes, those get me into trouble. 

I’m juggling three jobs right now.  It’s all good though since I work on my own hours.  Though that means working from 9 in the morning, making calls and emailing people, going to meetings and attending events till around 3AM the following day to do editing and design. 

I have a couple of events coming up and I work as a Marketing Consultant for both.  I’m an Account Executive for a newly established magazine.  I do graphic design and creative photography on the side as well.

Wait.  Those are not three.  It’s actually four.

Sigh…

To top it off, my hubby and I are not in good terms right now.

I’m no super woman.  But I don’t know why I take on these things and start complaining when things get rough.  I know these things are bound to happen to me when I took on these projects and responsibilities but nevertheless, I like it. I want it.  I actually NEED it. 

Am I crazy or what?  Am I really just that high-strung?  Am I a masochist?!

Oh well…  If you combine all of those, that would mean I’m a high-strung, crazy masochist. 

San ka pa?! 

Nowhere To Go · Random Thoughts

Too Much…

Dear You,

Lately, things aren’t going pretty well for us.  I don’t know what happened.  I don’t know how it came to this.  I don’t know why.  I just couldn’t tell.  Things have been going ok, what happened?  Why?

I’ve been trying to understand you.  I’ve been trying to always listen to you and understand what it is that you have been going through.  I’ve tried everything there is to try with regards to you.  But you don’t seem to want what I am doing for you.  To understand what I’ve been going through as well.

This became a one-way street between us.  Me always giving, you always taking.  I have needs too, you know.  I need someone to understand me too.  I need someone to listen to me too.  To pamper me.  To take care of me.  Like what I have been doing for you.

I am most of the time having a hard time getting along with you lately.  But still – I stay.  Knowing that you would be lost if I’m not around.  Knowing that you wouldn’t know what to do when I’m not there for you.  But…

It’s just too much for me.  Too much.  This thing that I’m carrying.  This burden by just always thinking of you first, of your needs first, of everything there is concerning you rather than thinking of myself.

I need time.  I need space.  I need to think of myself too.  I need some time for myself too.  I need to take care of myself.  If you’re not going to be the one doing that for me – then I guess I just have to take some time off from you and let myself be free from all these baggage that I’ve been carrying around because of you.

Maybe…  Just maybe – when I’m gone – you’ll realize how important I am to you and how you should have listened to me, should have taken care of me.

Before I left you.

Sincerely,

Me.